......."I LOVE my son.  We have such a great connection.  But I HATE what he's done to this family.  I love that he thinks I'm pretty.  I hate that he steals my grocery money & we are left to go to the food pantry.  I LOVE that he makes me a tea without asking.  I HATE that I am ostracized by the neighbors, by fellow Moms & by my Family, as the "Nazi Mom."  I LOVE that within those boundaries, he thrives and I see a truly happy boy!  I HATE that my daughter & I live in fear of him, that he will one day hurt one, or both of us.  I love that he comes to me for comfort.  I hate that my animals run when he walks into the room.  I love that he finds moths to care for, caterpillars to nurse, worms to build homes for, or feeds the feral cats in the woods next to our house without being asked, and has an “OH NO! heart” when he sees a skinny dog or cat.  I HATE that my house smells like a gerbil cage.  I LOVE that he cleans up after himself without much prompting.  I HATE that he throws away the food I make for him, or worse, stuffs it under my china cabinet, in the sofa cushions, or in the back of the radiators.  I LOVE that he cooks with me.  I HATE that my son urinates on everything.  I LOVE that he admits it.  I HATE that homework is such a chore.  I LOVE that he is so smart.  I HATE that I am just his "roof" until he runs away, yet again.  I LOVE that he comes home to me joyfully, and actually seems to miss me!

………………………

Moms (and Dads) PLEASE go sit down & find what's good about your child, then dwell on THOSE things.  LOVE is a CHOICE, not a feeling. HATE is a FEELING.  And we teach our children NOT to act on their FEELINGS.  WE shouldn't either.  Let's NOT nurture the hurt, bitter, putrid part of our soul.  It is truly hard some days to find a redeemable quality about my son.  But ya know, "I love his smile" is a good start.  "He giggles all the time, filling my heart with joy" is a good one too.  Yea, I could focus on the "His smile is fake" or the "His giggling is loud and annoying," but I can't.  I am this child's lifeline UP & OUT of the muck and the MIRE!  Yes, its a battle.  When you are hopeless, come borrow some of my hope! ………..

Please don't hear what I am NOT saying. I WANT you to vent. We NEED to vent. But after the vent, go make yourself a "I hate this - but I love this " list.

It will relieve your heart-like balm on a wound. We ARE wounded. This is a good step to help yourself recover. 

DO NOT write a pro / con list. Our list will be very lopsided!! Always counter act a negative with a positive. Then point out that positive to your child DAILY. It will help them heal as well!

……………………….You are the perfect parents for these children. Have faith that ALL people are redeemable, and hold fast to the promise that YOU are their forever family."

With Love~

Living Life Joyfully,

~ Bella~

Hate what they do..........Love who they are.......

em~Bella~ishment:

Children with RAD/AD live in a state of intense fear.  They view the entire world through that fear.  It is as if that fear part of their brain is over-active and can't be shut off.  They live in what's commonly known as the state of Fight, Fright, or Flight. Notice the next time you raise your voice (a bad thing for these children) that they will FREEZE.  They get this deer-in-the-headlights look on their face.  They are determining whether they should:

1) Fight you.

2) Be frightened and cower

3) Run!

Those seem to be their only responses.  My son is FLIGHT.  He gets upset, he gets on his bike & runs away!  My daughter?  Fright & Fight! LOVES to aggressively fight back (it seems), but really she is fighting for her very life..... she thinks.  Watch your child & notice which they are. It's pretty obvious once you pinpoint it.

~Bella~