By Kathryn Taylor
Matt had been a volunteer firefighter for less than a year. He was a small man, but he was fast and had a huge heart to make up the difference. His wife loved him dearly and his two children adored him. Matt enjoyed the thrill of danger. He also liked helping people and saving lives. One particular day, Matt was soaking his aching legs in the tub. A call came in about a house on fire. He was to go to the doctor the next day because of the pain he was having in his legs. But, he quickly dressed to respond to the call with his wife begging him not to go, this one time.
He and fellow fire fighters arrived in record time, however, the house was nearly engulfed in flames. Witnesses claimed that someone was still inside. With full gear on, Matt and his partner entered the house while the others sought to get the fire under control. Matt soon discovered the victim....... a very large, well-muscled man, sitting quietly in the middle of a room.
"Come on!," yelled Matt to the man, "follow me!"
"I don't think so, Mr.," shouted back the burly fellow.
Shocked, Matt went up to the man. Grabbing him, he said, "You must come with me! There's not much time!" The blaze grew hotter and closer. Matt began pulling the man towards safety.
The man overpowered Matt and began pulling him back to where he was sitting. "Look, Buddy,' he told Matt, "I started this fire and I intend to die in it. I think you should join me since you are here."
"Are you crazy!!??" yells Matt, "Come on! There's nothing so bad that is worth dying like this for. We'll get you help. Trust me, Man!"
Matt pulled and tugged on the man, but because of the huge size difference he could not budge him. Circumstances were growing more deadly by the second. He desperately searched his heart and mind as to what to do. His loving family came into his thoughts. Wanting to save this man was also a great desire. Escape was quickly growing into a slim possibility. The man had a death grip on Matt. Matt struggled to get free and struggled to move them both towards life. The man was just too strong and determined to die. Matt began fighting for his life. He strove to knock the man unconscious, or at the very least to break free. In the struggle, the man ripped off Matt's oxygen mask from his face. Smoke immediately burned his eyes and throat. The man clung tighter to him.
Matt cried, "God help me!! Please, Mister, I have a wife and kids. I don't want to die. Please come with me!"
The man did not soften his grip, and then began coughing harshly. For a second he loosened his grip. Matt ripped free. He could not breathe......... he could not see...... He crawled towards the door. Briefly looking back, Matt saw the man's clothes catch fire. He continued to crawl away, the man was shrieking in pain. Somehow, Matt made it down the hall before passing out. Miraculously, his partner found him and carried him the rest of the way out. The man inside accomplished his goal. Matt felt defeated. Matt's family, on the other hand, was very thankful he was alive.
A good friend brought up the question, "Where do you draw the line in trying to heal your child? When does trying to save them, sacrifice yourself, your marriage, and/or your family?" It is a very tough and ambiguous question. I could say, "This is my line," or, "That is my line.", but would it really be, when the time came? Often, on anniversaries, I review the last year and see how much worse our kids are. I tell myself, "If I knew a year ago that they would be worse today, I would not have gone through it all." Yet, year after year passes. Things have changed, but the kids are not better. We are stronger as a family, but they are not better. I am closer to the Lord, but they are not better. We have tried new things, but they are not better. Where do we draw the line?
We can make plans. We can draw our lines in the sand. We can imagine what we must do and when we will do it. But, I believe that all of it will go by the wayside when we are in the fire. We will not, nor can we make that hard, hard choice until we are face to face with life and death, until we are in that place where Matt was. Matt would have given his life to save a soul. But, what do you do when that someone is determined to die and take you with them? When does his wife and kids become more important than that suicidal man? If Matt had been the larger man, he could have saved him by force......... But, he wasn't. If the man had wanted to be saved...... Matt could have led him out. How was Matt to break free, once the man had a hold of him?
We would give our lives to save our children. But, what do you do when they are determined to destroy themselves and take you with them? When does the rest of the family take priority? Sometimes our kids grow bigger and stronger than us. Sometimes they are just more strong-willed. How are we to break free when we realize that we are trapped and going down with them?
I believe that all we can do is cry out to God, live through the ordeal that threatens our lives, do our best to save what we can, have a support system around us trying to put out the fire, escape the battle at the crisis point, have a partner to pull us out when we fall, and be willing to keep on living, even when, and if, we lose someone who refuses to let us help them.
The beginning of this story is a real one. (www.canoncitydailyrecord.com, search for Mike Lynch) Matt (Mike) was a real fire fighter here in our small community. Mike got out of his bathtub last week to respond to a call. It was not a response to a housefire though, it was to a car accident. Mike was killed while directing traffic around the wreck. The vehicle that hit him was driven by a 17 year old boy. A woman must now raise her two children alone. A young man must live with the fact that he killed a man because he wasn't paying attention. Life has no guarantees...... Tragic things happen...... Sadness comes no matter how hard we try to avoid it...... Goodness comes even when we don't expect it...... Life is lived in the moment because we don't know what the next moment will bring. None of us wants to ever have to choose between letting someone die so that someone else can live. Many times life does not have happy endings. Other times, we don't know where the choices we make will lead us, or if we will survive them. If Mike had not gotten out of tub that day, he never would have known that he would have died that day. We don't know where our decisions will take us. If we send our troubled kids away, we could be saving them, or we could be saving one of our other family members. We could be saving our marriage or our sanity. Only God knows.
So, my answer to this question is no answer at all, because with life, there are no answers to the hardest of questions. There are no guarantees. There are not always solutions to the worst of troubles. The right thing to do, does not always feel good. And, we will never know the full extent of the choices we make each and every day. We must all do what we must do and trust that God will be by our side through it all.
Copyright 2003
