It is very hard to listen to the memories  of what our children have endured...

Confessions


By Kathryn Taylor

Listening to her confessions,
Her dark secrets of abuse,
What was done, and what she did,
Leaving little to deduce-
Filling my head with scenes-
Visions I did not need-
Wondering what possesses
The sickness of such deeds-
It feels my heart's been raped,
Filthy, never to come clean-
Can't get rid of what I've heard-
Will justice ever convene?
How do I help her heal,
When I want to run and hide?
How do I keep her trust,
So she'll continue to confide?
God, help me to release it,
All of it, up to You,
Then help me to gently guide her,
So she can release it, too-
May forgiveness flood us both,
So we aren't consumed with hate,
And as the healing comes,
May the memories dissipate-
May all these evil deeds
Be washed in the lamb,
Setting her forever free
From the life of the damned-
Amen

2004  All rights reserved, ã Kathryn Taylor
Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden

 









There are many hard things in life.  This is one of the toughest... listening to the memories of a child who has been subjected to terrible, terrible things as a toddler, preschooler, and elementary aged child.  It’s even more terrible when it is done by the very hands that are supposed to love you, protect you, care for you, and teach you.  When you think that is bad enough... incorporate the twist of Reactive Attachment Disorder into the mix.  Instead of allowing you to love and comfort them, they turn you into the abusing villain.  They hate the fact that you, a recent stranger, could possibly love and care for them when their very own parents did horrible things to them.  So... somehow in their minds they turn you into the monster and their birth-family become the kind, loving people who want them.  They act out and do outlandish things, imploring you to respond to the ludicrous acts they do.  They engage in a battle inside their heads that only they can see.  You are their captors and they must escape and return to the family who loves them so dear. 

A very wise person once said, “Do not judge until you have walked a mile in their shoes.”  No one will ever know or believe what we really go through trying to love the children who, many times, have suffered such rejection making them so very terrified of ever loving or trusting again.  It creates such a battle, just like God fights with mankind.  He loves us so very, very much.  We cannot even comprehend what He has done for us.  Often, all we can do is blame Him for all we endure in this life where Satan roams freely seeking whom he may devour.  So, we reject God and dabble and play in the devil’s vices.  God waits ever so patiently with His longsuffering.  If only we could be more like Him... He endures so much as He waits for us to realize that He truly loves us and is not responsible for all that we put ourselves and others through. 

Maybe, one day, these children we cry over and worry about so much will realize that we truly did love them all along and put the blame where it really belongs.



Broken Girl
by Matthew West