Could You Not Tarry?

By Kathryn Taylor

I carry this burden,
A burden so great-
Please understand,
And try to relate…
My challenge is different,
Not like yours at all-
You’re able to walk,
But I have to crawl…
It’s easier to bear
With a friend alongside…
So I’m not all alone…
So I’ll feel fortified-
Then, I find you asleep,
And you’re pulling away…
Friend, could you not tarry
For even one day?…
I cling to you tighter…
Don’t want you to leave…
I simply can’t handle
One more thing to grieve-

One by one they've gone
‘til it’s just me and You…
Sometimes I’m afraid
That You will leave too…
How is it so many 
Are duped by my child,
With innocent eyes,
And sweet little smiles?
Friends say I’m the beast, 
which I now fight alone…
Their tongues are all wagging 
Away on the phone…
The tales that they weave
Are now dragging behind…
Weighing me down…
Escalating the grind-
Will YOU help me, LORD,
Since YOU know the truth, 
And aren’t easily fooled
By my sweet-talking youth?
Will YOU see me through
This bitter, dry land,
And never let go
Of my callused, worn hand?
I know that YOU care
‘cause it happened to YOU…
Your friends could not tarry,
And ran away too-
But YOUR Father on high
Held YOU safe in HIS palm…
Took YOU through storms
And into the calm-
Give me strength to forgive
The weakness of men…
And when storm’s been weathered,
Send me friends again-

 2005  All rights reserved, ã Kathryn Taylor
Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden

Do you feel like you are losing your friends one by one? 
 Are you afraid to face your battles alone?  
It seems that many people are surrounded by friends and family during times of trial, but for those of us dealing with RAD and other emotional disorders, we must face it pretty much alone.  We are often not believed about what is really going on.  We are falsely judged and accused.  We feel left out and abandoned.  In churches, people surround those in physical crisis with cards, food, visits, and prayer.  But, those dealing with emotional and behavioral crisis do not receive the same compassion.  Those parenting normal children, feel so confident in assessing our situations, based on their own experiences.  Very few know the atrocities we face, but quickly put blame on us, making our plight far more painful.  For me, it became completely unbearable when my husband became unfaithful.  It was like losing the very last friend on earth.  I felt like a bug hitting a windshield, now caught in the wiper blade… alive..., only enough to feel the pain.   I tried to drown the pain in a bottle rather than be humbled at the the foot of the cross.  Consequentially, I was completely overcome by the world and all that is wrong with it.

I was consumed with the unfairness of it all, and if it was unfair, then it was right to take things into my own hands.  That path only promises more pain.  Jesus talked about suffering for righteousness sake… that we will be blessed.  The pain we suffer daily with RAD is that kind of pain.  It is the pain that Joseph suffered through the loss of his family, becoming a slave, then falsely imprisoned.  It is the pain Mary endured facing speculation of all her friends and peers who could not believe her immaculate conception.  Think of it!!!  Everyone thought she had been unfaithful or had sex before being married.  All those years she knew she was raising the son of God, BUT , most all those around did not believe that at all.  She had to live with the truth just like we do, yet the circumstances are different, of course.   But,  the isolation we mothers feel when we know that we know what the truth is while everyone around doubts us, is quite similar.  It causes us to doubt ourselves.  The one who knows better than anyone who ever lived, or will live, is Jesus Christ.  There is NOTHING that He hasn’t gone through.  Not one human being can ever say they went through more than He.  That is where it is at!!!!!  Right there!!! Nailed to the cross with Him!!  Who among us deserves a life better than He had?  Who among us has not been told to take up OUR cross and follow Him?  That is where I got lost… during those moments when I actually believed I did not deserve one more day of carrying that cross which was mine.  But, thank God He is the God of second chances.  Thank God He can make all things work together for good to those love Him and are called according to His purpose.


Job speaks in response to the ridicule of his friends...

14 "One should be kind to a fainting friend, but you have accused me without the slightest fear of the Almighty. 15 My brother, you have proved as unreliable as a seasonal brook that overflows its banks in the spring 16 when it is swollen with ice and melting snow. 17 But when the hot weather arrives, the water disappears. The brook vanishes in the heat. 18 The caravans turn aside to be refreshed, but there is nothing there to drink, and so they perish in the desert. 19 With high hopes, the caravans from Tema and from Sheba stop for water, 20 but finding none, their hopes are dashed. 21 You, too, have proved to be of no help. You have seen my calamity, and you are afraid. 
22 But why? Have I ever asked you for a gift? Have I begged you to use any of your wealth on my behalf? 23 Have I ever asked you to rescue me from my enemies? Have I asked you to save me from ruthless people? 24 "All I want is a reasonable answer – then I will keep quiet. Tell me, what have I done wrong? 25 Honest words are painful, but what do your criticisms amount to? 26 Do you think your words are convincing when you disregard my cry of desperation? 27 You would even send an orphan into slavery F6 or sell a friend. 28 Look at me! Would I lie to your face? 29 Stop assuming my guilt, for I am righteous. Don't be so unjust. 30 Do you think I am lying? Don't I know the difference between right and wrong?
 Job 6:14-30

Psalm 41:6-13
 They visit me as if they are my friends, but all the while they gather gossip, and when they leave, they spread it everywhere.  All who hate me whisper about me, imagining the worst for me.  "Whatever he has, it is fatal," they say. "He will never get out of that bed!"  Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely, the one who shared my food, has turned against me.  LORD, have mercy on me. Make me well again, so I can pay them back!  I know that you are pleased with me, for you have not let my enemy triumph over me.  You have preserved my life because I am innocent; you have brought me into your presence forever.  Bless the LORD, the God of Israel, who lives forever from eternal ages past. Amen and amen!
What do you do when your friends let you down?? and you're in the midst of a storm...
....."Stay plugged in with Mom's like us who "get it". We understand what it feels like to put on our shoes, only to realize someone peed in them! We know what it's like when they poop on the wall or under their bed.  We know what it's like when they're over- sexualized. We know how hard it is to take the 'I hate you's & the 'I don't want to live here's. We understand how very much it hurts each & every time they accuse you of abuse- especially when you rescued them from it!  We know how hard it is NOT to rage back at them.  We know how bad it feels to blow it, when you do!  We all know what it feels like to not love this child anymore.  To sometimes HATE them, and the guilt that comes with wanting to fix it- not feeling natural, hating that you're bio-kids are suffering this as well, the lying (NOT an issue- really!) the Stealing (Also, NOT an issue) the anger. The destruction of property. <sigh> Nothing is new or stunning or shocking!"   Bella

..."My dad always said that the best way to make a friend is to be a friend.  It is hard to do with a RADish at home, but you have to make it a priority.  You need to listen to others and not monopolize the conversation with what Johnny has "done now".   It is hard because we, as mothers, are searching for someone to hear us and maybe a friend isn't the right person.  Hmmmm.  Maybe we are chasing friends away??  Maybe we appear to be very self-centered . . . or over burdened, to be a good friend.  Maybe we need to think about sharing the "crap" in our lives with a therapist, and the good stuff with the people we consider friends???"  

Advice from fellow warriors dealing with emotionally troubled kids...
Don't discount the value of online friendships, especially under our circumstances...

..."It is this virtual world that kept me sane.  I have made some good friends and some I talk to daily and have never met in real life.  I don't know what I would have done without them and this list through the dark days of my son's illness.  People IRL did not understand RAD.  Even our closest friends at church were afraid to understand.  It was a fear of the mental illness.  They did not want to grasp that our son was so ill...
It was the virtual world that was a gift from God.  God knows I would have given up.  Who knows where our son would be today and even if we would be alive ... Thank God, this group was already in our lives"...
encouraging, supporting, advising, encouraging, supporting, advising, encouraging, supporting, advising, Christian, friendships, Christian, friendships, Christian, friendships, Christian, friendships, brokenhearted, abandonment, loss of friends, rejected, rejection, brokenhearted, abandonment, loss of friends, rejected, rejection, brokenhearted, abandonment, loss of friends, rejected, rejection, brokenhearted, abandonment, loss of friends, rejected, rejection, RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, family dysfunction, RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, family dysfunction, RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, family dysfunction, RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, family dysfunction, Kathryn Taylor, poetry, could you not tarry, walk a mile, proof of friendship, stools and pews, somewhere, losing friends, divorced, true friends, together forever, daddy’s girl , Ice princess