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Dear Jay,

Believe it or not, I am truly happy that you and your sister finally have your birth family back. I don’t think they could ever do enough to make up for the choices they all made concerning you and your sister. So, I hope that you get all the money, attention, and acceptance you can possibly get from them. I just hope the price isn’t too high. Truth has a way of always rising to the top, no matter how hard we try to push it down, so that we can have what we think we so desperately need. I have learned that lesson the hard way………….. only God can supply that.

When you were younger, I DID want you to have what you wanted. It just wasn’t within my power to give it to you. We had so many conversations about having that contact with your birth-family based on honesty and going about it in the right ways, as well as, them acknowledging how their choices hurt you and your sister and for them to be supportive of your feelings of rejection, your memories and your past. I guess it was just too much to ask of you kids and your birth-family. If you all are completely convinced that everything was all right and you and your sister had no real problems and I was the sole reason for your years of separation from your birth-family and your miserable childhood, so be it. I know differently. I remember being mad at your family each time they were on a cruise and I was stuck home with your hate and anger. I was mad at them for you living on a farm doing chores while they sailed around the world with your sisters. I was mad at your grandmother pinning your twin sister to my bedroom wall, telling her that her memories were nothing but lies. I was mad how your grandparents could pick and choose between you and your siblings who they would keep and love, and who they would give away. I was mad at them believing your sisters over what you and your sister said was going on. I hurt for you every single day. I hurt because of your hate every single day……………….. www.radwars.org testifies to that very fact…………………What I know to be true is I spent an obsessed amount of time reading, researching, going to therapy, taking you to visitations, talking with you, reasoning with you, praying over you, begging you to let me love you. I love you two as much as the others. You know differently life would have been, if you had tried to get along and be at peace and do what was right. You know how much I wanted you to have a healthy relationship with your birth-family. I love you so much and will hope and pray for your safety as you do your duty to our country. God bless you and your brother as you serve………………….

Love......the mom who tried the hardest.....

Letters from War
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Wasn't this taken yesterday?....

Raising the Son

By Kathryn Taylor

We gave him a family-

He gave us his grief-

We gave him our hearts-

He stole like a thief-

We sacrificed and loved-

He hated and destroyed-

We cried and sought help

For our troubled, young boy-

We begged him to stop,

He begged to go home-

We told him there was none,

He tantrummed full blown-

Doctors and medicines,

Therapists and shrinks-

No one can get in

Or change how he thinks-

Minutes turn to hours,

And days into years,

Adolescence is upon us

Bringing life to our fears-

Soon we will lose him,

After all we have tried,

After all we have suffered,

And tears that we’ve cried-

But nothing is working

And he is near grown-

We’ve watered and watered

The seeds that we’ve sown-

It’s now up to God

To work on his soul-

May he one day surrender

So he can be whole-

Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden

Prov. 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it

Prov. 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct they paths

The Revival of a Son

By Kathryn Taylor

(written after he had run away and made it back to his birth-family)

We thought that we had lost you,

We thought that you were gone,

We almost gave up on you,

But instead, we carried on-

All the reasons slowly died,

Each straw became our last,

There seemed no way to win

Because the die was cast-

We had to send you away

Cause we wanted to get you back,

Best thing we ever did,

Cause your train got retracked-

Each time when we see you,

You’re more and more a man-

I’ve never been more proud

Since your time with us began-

I pray you’ll keep on healing-

Three cheers for you, my son!!

May nothing cross your path

To make things come undone-

May you keep on climbing upward

‘Til you’re high enough to see

The future we’ve always dreamed of

For you and your family-

I love you, son

Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden

Three of my four sons joined the army. They now rotate through tours of duty in Iraq like they used to rotate through household chores of dishwasher, dog patrol, and vacuum upstairs. Life passes so quickly……..One day, I think surviving RAD would never end…………It’s been several years now………There are now new worries for Shell-shocked moms to struggle and worry with…………That’s how life goes…..for everyone…………2009 KT

Back in 2007, my twin, ex-RAD son, Jay, was headed to his first tour of duty to Iraq………. Oh, how I miss the little boy that he was…….. the one before his birth-sisters convinced him he was bad for loving me. I don’t blame him, even though it hurt so bad to become the very same target his twin sister had made me. Yes, I made mistakes………Yes, I got mad dealing with insane behaviors day after day. It is so hard to be the target of all of their hurt and hate, the hurt and hate that belonged to the very people they love and embrace today. I knew that one day the twins would run back into the arms of their birth-family……. It would have been this way, even if I hadn’t left, and I knew it……. I never wanted to take the place of their birth-family, I just wanted to give them a safe and loving home to grow up in ‘til they could go back where they wanted to be when they turned 18. I wanted to equip them with the skills to deal with the issues they would face in life and with their birth-family. I wanted them to know they weren’t to blame for what happened to them there. I wanted them to heal from what happened there………My son and his sister would have felt that safety and love in our home, if they had allowed it. And they know it. I remember all of the sane, normal, understanding conversations we had about their lives and the choices they were making.

I remember when Jay was a young teen; we talked about him spending the night at our family friend’s house. I asked why he was bad all the time so that he couldn’t go. He finally told me that he was afraid to be away from me. He was embarrassed to say he didn’t want to go. He was embarrassed to say he was afraid to leave. Then, I got a great idea……….I told him to follow his rules and do his chores and he and I could have a good and loving relationship everyday. He would then have the privilege to have others spend the night with him. And, when he had opportunities to spend the night with others, I would say no and be the bad guy for him so his friends didn’t know that he was afraid to leave. It blew me away what he said. He said that it would not be fair to me for others to think badly of me when I didn’t deserve it. But, somehow……….somehow, inside his head, it made sense to him to be so disobedient and act out causing me to discipline and ground him, which would make him mad……... Then, when everyone thought I was a mean and controlling parent for him always being in trouble or having consequences for his behavior, then it was OK for them to think me a horrible mom………….

My favorite memories with Jay, are back when he always wanted to work with me on the farm. We would mow on the tractor together. He learned so quickly. I also loved building our beagle mailbox together. All the others quit, but he stayed and helped me to finish it. It was so very sad that some punk kids bashed it in with a baseball bat. ………….