These are the actual letters our twins wrote in response to a discussion one of our email groups was having

RAD-Wars

fighting to preserve the whole family surviving  RAD

Dear RAD moms:

My opinion on how they parent me is that I hate it and wish that I had never come to this family in the first place.  I hate this family because I choose to believe that they took me away from my real family, the people I love, even though the truth is that they didn't.  I'm being rebellious and hateful and gross because I hate it here and I think that if I went to a different family, that I would do better and change my ways.  I believe that because Mom is the reason I am the way I am.  I choose to believe that because when I'm not around her I act normal and have fun. 

I think your idea of tough love is mean and harsh as a consequence.  I don't like your idea of tough love because then the child has a way to twist the story around and make it look like you are the child abuser, which then gets you all into trouble and the child what he or she wants, and then they don't learn from any of their mistakes.  After that, they become selfish, spoiled brats.

Signed, J, 14

Dear RAD moms:

I choose to act the way I do because I want to be with my old family, because sometimes I do not care, because I do not want to try and trust or love someone else.  Also because I choose not to love anybody but my old family.  I also choose to act this way to get attention from people, and to make people feel sorry for me.  I think that tough love is OK when necessary, and that it would get painful if that is where you have to go.  What I think about the discipline I get is I do not like it, but even though I don't like it, I will not do anything so I will not get those consequences.  Most of the time when it happens I get even madder and more stupid, so I get more consequences so I could hate this family even more and try to justify my actions.  I also think that if you do not do what is right, you should be disciplined.  Sometimes when I am really mad I hate the discipline I get and think it is wrong but it is not.  Sometimes I hate being here because I am held responsible for everything I do even though that is how it is supposed to be.

Signed, D , 14