Thanksgiving is the hardest for my RADs.  After 2 days of horrible battles, and my daughter writing this letter, the twins spent Thanksgiving in their rooms (with all the turkey and fixings).  Company did NOT understand and a great friendship ended that day..........  I wrote "My Child, My River" to try and salvage that friendship.  I was told it was a pathetic excuse to defend myself and what we had done to those poor children.  

The good news is that "My Child, My River" has helped mend other broken relationships and that makes it worth writing. 

God bless,

KT

by Dee, age 12

"Even if you don't give up on me I'm still going to be mean.  I' am still going to be rebelios.  I' am still going to be disresp-

ectful.  I'am still going to be dysobediant.  I'am still going to try my hardest to go to reall public school.  I'am still goinig to try my hardest to be put in a Foster home.  I'am still going to try to make you mad because of my anger.  I'am still going to do my homework wrong.  I'am still going to do anything I have to do in order to go to public-school.  I'am still going to try to get you to get ridd of me.  I'am still going to be angry.  I'am still going to be mad at this Family because I want to be with R (birthmom).  I'am still going to try to get ahold of R to do something with her.  I'am still going to try to get back at you for not giving up on me."

Thanksgiving was my kid's trigger nightmare....it was when the grandparents gave them away and kept their sisters....

an em~Bella~ishment on advice to a parent whose kid was out of control and threatening to kill her family members:

......."You LIVE with Attachment. You DO NOT need a COURSE in Attachment! 

.................. I am sure your daughter can "feel"

how freaked out you are by her behavior.  So- yes, she pushes it further.  Mentally ill people are highly intuitive.  Go take a GABA or 2 (natural stress relief- get in a all-natural drug store) ...... get in the tub with a glass of wine & remember the faith you profess.  God did NOT give you this child to be killed by her.  God gave you this child to be healed by YOU.

Next time she 'shoots' or 'talks killing' or whatever throws your nervous system into hyper-drive, make a MENTAL NOTE that she's doing it on purpose.  CALM yourself.  Learn breathing techniques.  Breathe.  Then, smile & say " Silly girl!"   Then, walk away.

When I am most frightened of my son- he is sickest.  If I am not in control- who is going to keep him safe?  Your child feels the same way.  GET IN CONTROL of yourself.  Not of HER.....yourself!  Then resign yourself to the fact ( I just did recently) that - yes- you were given her- blessed with her- to help heal her, but she may be as healed as she's ever going to get........

We love you. Our hearts break for you. The struggles are enormous- but your family's lives should NOT be in danger.  THAT is a deal breaker.  Tell her so.  Tell her, "Next time you say you want a person dead, I'm going to have to find a place that will keep you safe from yourself.  If you don't act safe here- you will need a new place that will help you to act safe.  You will still be our family & our daughter.  This talk of killing is a deal breaker."

Then DO what you say. Integrity.  She rely's on it.

{{HUGS}}

~Bella~

Read what a grown adopted RAD woman wrote, thinking back over her childhood......Click here..