ifihadknown

If I Had Known…..

By Kathryn Taylor

“I'd never have done it, if I had known….”

I comfort myself with these words,

Making it seem that what I have done,

Can only be labeled absurd-

Who knew these kids would not return

The love which I had to give-

And even yet, they'd rather spurn,

Running like fugitives-

It's nearly destroyed me, trying to pry,

To find a place within their hearts-

I became their mom to testify

That I was good at my part…..

Now my reputation is smeared,

I don't really know where I stand,

I relinquish to Christ my fears,

And submit to the Master's hand-

God,

Take every regret that I've Known-

Absorb every tear that I cry-

Let me sense You when I am alone-

My heart, may you purify-

Just as Jesus boldly did tread

Up that hill… to fill prophecy,

May I bear my cross without such dread

As I follow my destiny-

Amen

ã Kathryn Taylor

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Father God,

give me the strength to love the unloveable. Give me the conviction to do what is right, no matter what. Help me to do as You would have me to, and not react like any human would, under these circumstances. Forgive me for the times I react in my flesh. Forgive me for the times I hurt with my words. Forgive me for the times I hide in my own shell, seeking a pain-free moment. Help me not be so consumed with my own battles that I forget to reach out to my friends and other family members. Help me to balance my time, energy, and priorities. Do not let false guilt creep in and rob me of joy. May I quickly confess to you and others when I mess up. Then, give me the strength to forgive myself. And God…… bless all those other families out there who struggle as mine does. Cover them with Your mercy and grace. Give them an out when they get pinned, give them shelter from the raging wind, and most of all, Lord, increase their faith to withstand the flood.

In Jesus name, Amen

I struggle daily with the disappointment of this adoption not succeeding. I want my kids to find peace and acceptance here. I want them to be able to heal. It hurts when all my efforts are met with resistance and disdain. God knows my battle better than anyone else. God knows what it feels like to be in my shoes. He felt this way when Adam and Eve sinned……… He felt this way when He flooded the earth…….. He felt this way after delivering His chosen from Egypt…… He felt this way when He sent His one and only Son into the world and we rejected and killed Him…….. Time and time again, He poured out His love to His children. He performed miracles, showed them favor, fed and clothed them and still they grumbled against Him………….. and in the end yelled, "Crucify Him!!" KT