What I Miss...

By Kathryn Taylor

I miss who I thought he was,
 the one he wanted me to see-
I miss the blindness from truth
and avoiding reality-
I miss all that I’ve lost...
I miss what he stole away
because I fell for the hero,
the hero in his one act play-
I miss the lies believed,
just to feel loved for a while,
then the battle for my soul
turned everything hostile-
Being questioned day and night...
accused at every turn...
controlled by fears and guilt,
forcing love to be spurned-
Fighting for my life...
fighting to just be me...
the one he claimed so perfect,
was now his misery-
To him it is pure love,
to control my every move-
I must silence all his demons,
by what I say and do-
I must bury every quality,
must give up every trait
that would make others like me,
then surround it all with weight-
That would prove my love to him,
and make him feel secure,
but it never was enough...
he always wanted more-
Then, one day I realized
what I missed the very most
was the woman God created,
who was tied to his whipping post...

The pain of breaking free...
The pain of letting go...
The pain of mending heart...
The agony of going slow-
The lonely, lonely nights...
Pillows covered in my tears...
The losing of my mind...
Facing the loss and all the fears-
Taking two steps forward...
Falling through a crack...
Jumping back in the saddle...
Pulling in the slack-
Step by step...getting closer...
To who I’m meant to be-
Feeling stronger and more confident
In search of who is me….
I no longer need another
To feel whole and full of life
Yet, hope some day… down the road….
To be a lover and a wife….
For now though…
Turning to my GOD alone,
seeking the peace He brings,
Instead of another man
Was truly the wisest thing…
I’ve EVER done-

All rights reserved, ã Kathryn Taylor
Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden


...Coming to a place of acceptance on how unhealthy a relationship was is hard...  Both partners play a role.  One portraying themselves as loving, good, and kind, but has a history of abuse, a whole string of broken relationships, terrible work and financial histories.  The other, a victim,  unworthy of being treated well, poor self image, sacrificial, too trusting... all keeping them in the relationship trying to save it...
♫♫ ....Now all that's left of me... is what I pretend to be... so together.. but so broken up inside.. ♫♫
Behind Those Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson