........."When in the thick of a really serious meltdown, it can be hard to reflect on the “good” things or positive attributes of ourselves or our RADishes, and it is so easy to become discouraged. Although easier said than done, (I know this from personal experience!) Never give up on your child, or yourself. I think we have all had moments where we don’t think we can take one more minute of whatever is going on – destruction of our homes and belongings, emotional damage done to our Non-RADishes, etc. I have done lots of research and read lots of books on RAD and Attachment issues, and when I first read the Nancy Thomas book (a great book!), I thought I would NEVER make it through this, because she really gives you examples of the worst of the worst....................... Other books, like Foster Cline, and articles by Deborah Hage or Beyond Consequences – I have found many great ideas and have implemented many of them with my son. I have found it easier to custom tailor an approach for my child, as there is no one approach that will help all RAD kids. Take what you can glean from each book or article and find what works for your child!
I have found people....... that have had successes beyond imagination with their children, or adults who have realized that they were RAD and gotten help and have moved on to be successful, happy members of society. That was HUGE for me – I was starting to live this self-fulfilling prophecy that my child was never going to be useful, happy member of society – that he would end up in jail or on drugs. Chances are that our RADishes will NOT be criminals, drug addicts or serial killers. THAT IS A POSITIVE! ....... These success stories are essential for helping us to see the light at the end of the tunnel..........
At first I thought I had to be therapeutic ALL the time with my son; that I was the only one that could or should help him through the rages, the terrors, the meltdowns, etc. I was getting punched, bitten, stomped on, kicked, spit on, boogers wiped on me, you name it. .......... I have given myself permission to step outside of the situation, and be the parent. I have begun to see the actual TERROR in my son’s actions, to see this as a disease and not a personal vendetta against me, and I have learned to feel empathy and love for him even when he is raging, and to like him again, instead of getting angry myself. I have been able to stop taking his actions personally, and at the same time I have learned to set aside my anger with his birth-mom for whatever she did to him that made him this way, realizing that she may have been a RADish herself. I have learned what fights to pick, and what doesn’t really matter, and how to give my son “permission” to do the things he threatens, which takes the fun right out of it, and usually stops the behaviors.".........
Keep Positive thoughts!
W R
