Wisdom from the frontlines..... for Our Kids concerning Therapy and Respite Care

an em~Bella~ishment on finding a therapist:

........"The fact remains .......... your RAD will NOT trust ANY Dr, no matter how longh they spend alone together. ......... Basic Trust is LOST in infancy..and good luck getting it back!  We are the mothers & the teachers in a Peanuts cartoon.".waa waa waa waah wa waaaah!! "

They can hear us.  They just dont trust that what we say will help them, or be good for them.

FIND ANOTHER THERAPIST. Simple.  If they (the therapists) are NOT working with you, they are working towards making your child sicker!  ANY RAD child left alone to counsel alone with an adult will press the boundaries & learn who they can con, how much they can get away with, & how well to lie!  Each day they get better & better at it!  Being alone- be it with therapist or school counselor, just makes them sicker.

Also- which we dont touch on, If your child is in therapy outside of school with someone who is helping them, then IN SCHOOL THERAPY is NOT recommended. Therapists need to be in conjunction with one another & share findings.  Schools are not that helpful to outside therapists, and outside therapists dont have the authority to talk to school. HIPPA.  School therapists/counselors have only hurt us. I stay clear of them.

~ Bella~

an em~Bella~ishment on therapy:

..."Hi!  Its Bella.  I am writing to let you know of our experience.  You are wise to be wary.  ALL therapists say they specialize in RAD!  LOL!  They don't......Not by a long shot.  These are the things you need to ask BEFORE going.

1) What TYPE of therapy will they be using?  Talk therapy?  Sand therapy? Play therapy?  if they say yes to any of those- DONT go.  These 3 types of therapy damage your children.  They get very good at lying to adults, since the therapist "trusts" them, they learn to "practice" it on them!  grrr!  You are looking for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or better yet, Dialetic (or diatic) Developmental Psycholtherapy. These are the only 2 that truly work. To be honest- what's most needed for a RAD child is to bridge the gap betwen their emotional age and their physical age.  Someone to help catch them up on their missed developmental stages is exectly what they need.

2) Ask if you will be in the session with them, behind a 2 way mirror, or if you will be in a waiting room?  The ONLY good answer is that you are in the room with them.  It is the DR's job to bond this child to you,not to himself, the table, chairs & walls!  If you are in the waiting room, exactly HOW is he bonding to you.!??

3) Ask if they will be doing a trial run of medication.  Some doctor's can't write scripts. It's important that your doctor can.  If your child has ADHD, it actually makes the RAD worse.  The doctor will need to get a handle on that, before attempting to "fix" the RAD.  Once the ADHD is under control- (not saying your child has it- just a note) the RAD symptoms will not be so severe.

4) Make sure that you're not signing something giving the doctors permission to talk to the schools.  I have found they call your child's school way too often, creating problems at a place where- frankly, not all RAD kids have problems.  If a CSE comes up where you need their input, you can sign a 1 time waiver, then.  ...........Relax. RAD healing is a very slow process. 1 step forward, 2 steps back.  ....... 4 different "therapists" before we found one that is a gem.:)    Be Blessed.  Breathe!   Bella

Attachment.org .....Nancy Thomas parenting

Deborah Hage, MSW  ....works with RAD and families

Taming the Wild Child-A phone counselling program for RAD and related

Dr. Walter Buenning in CO....Healing with love and limits

The Bonding Book Site- Book, workshop, therapist

Dr. Art.....Attachment therapy

Attachment and Trauma Network ....radzebra group

Sagewalk Wilderness School- .....School for troubled teens

The Lives Under Construction Boys Ranch  .....An awesome place that helps young men heal

Beyond Consequences ~ providing solutions for families with difficult behaviors

Bryan Post.....the Post Institute for family centered therapy, specializing in RAD

Trauma Headquarters....ADSG Home-Attach. Disorder Support Group

Therapy Resourses from Nancy Thomas website

Links to Therapists or sites that list therapists......

Finding the right therapy for your family.....

Practical Therapy for RAD Children.....by Walter Buenning

Connecting with the Right Therapist....

*  Parents should be involved at all times during sessions

*  Parents should be the major part of the treatment team, They are the ones who can help the hurt child

*  The parents should know everything going on in therapy

*  The family's value system should be respected

an em~bella~ishement on respite care:

Respite is supposed to be a place that gives your children HIGH structure, chores & boundaries-   NOT love , hugs, fun, games & candy. Your child is supposed to WANT to come back to you.   They are NOT to nurture your child!   Until your child is bonded- nurturing is SOLELY YOUR job!   And remember-    CANDY= LOVE.      So, NOOOO! They should NEVER receive candy from another!    YOU control that. They may get it from them, but you , ultimately are the one who says YES, and they are thankful to.    Again- Candy & love are equal (synonymous) in our children’s minds.

I had such a hard time with both sets of grandparents and candy that I had to stop seeing them until they promised to STOP!   Now they put candy in a ziplock bag and I dole it out.

Bella

an em~Bella~ishment on getting private counseling:

…………When you first start counseling, Mom & Dad go first.  It is called Family session or Family Counseling.  Before your child sits in on the session & triangulates (pits you against each other), the two of you must have an accurate idea of what to do, what NOT to do, what will help her, what will harm her (yelling!).  Until the 2 of you are on the same page, and until your stress level is down somewhat, you can't help make your child healthy.  It's that simple.

The doctor doesn't think it's YOU that's crazy.  She sees this all the time.  But, she will help you to cope with those feelings you have. You know the ones I mean, the ones where you wanted a child so badly.  For me...I couldn't conceive.  We wanted ANY child.  We mourn that our child won't come from us, but we accept it.  Then we adopt.  They are beautiful!  But they look like the milk-man.  So, we mourn the fact that our children will NEVER look like us.  Then, we find that something’s terribly wrong with them!  What the..?!!!  Haven't I given up enough?!  But the agency said they were perfect!  But no one said anything about drugs!  No one said anything about abuse, sexual/physical/emotional.  No one told me the mother was HIV+!!  No one said they would hoard food & be scared of me.  No one said that they would lie, steal, run, and fight me tooth-and-nail.  No one even hinted that I was adopting an Enemy within.

Now, they have a diagnosis (prayerfully) And Oh My God!!  What in the world am I supposed to do now?!!!!  I used to be Mary Poppins!  I used to be June Cleaver!  Now, I'm seen as a Nazi Mom!!!!   I have lost my friends.  I have estranged my family.  No! Wait!  I have done nothing but be kind hearted.  My CHILD has done all this.  Their bigoted, biased eyes have made us go it alone. And- yes!  They are scared of my kids!  Scared to be lied to, stolen from, urinated on, or worse!!

So- yes please, see this doctor alone for awhile.  Let her help you screw your head back on and put balm on your wounded spirit.

We understand it.....we've all been there. Each of us has this same story, with the same kids that I SWEAR all read the same instruction book!!   Your medical expenses can be claimed on your taxes.  Keep your receipts.  ALL of them.  ANYTHING to do with your kid. (mine cuts up clothes!!)  ..…………….. Be strong. You have been given a mighty purpose in life.

  ~Bella~